Deja Vu
by JoeBabyFyrestorm
Summary: Lifeline ponders what has happened...again. A.J. gets into the act with a poignant letter to her father. Stretcher injects a little humor (just cause I was getting really depressed working on this.) The truth comes out after a meeting with Psyche-Out.
1. Default Chapter

As I sit here, looking down on the small figure covered with tubes in the hospital bed, I get the most amazing sense of déjà vu.  
  
The figure, I guess I must explain, is the most beloved female in my life. My daughter, Audrey Justina. The reason it's déjà vu is because the same scene was played out some ten years ago, when she was four years old.  
  
It was 1992 that the story really begins. The Joe team had disbanded in 1991 and I decided to go back to medical school. I was on my way to class one morning, when I literally bumped into a small, beautiful, young woman. Her name was Tessa, but we called her Kit because she had hand raised a set of fox kits. Both of us apologized because neither one of us was watching where we were going.  
  
I don't know why but I invited her out for coffee later that night, and we got to be friends. We started dating and a year later, I proposed to her. We got married and soon after, we discovered that she was pregnant with twins.  
  
I was so happy, when a few months later, she gave birth to my son, Edwin Christopher Jr, and to my daughter, Audrey Justina.  
  
That brings me to the next part of the story. A.J. and E.J. were normal kids, both of them bright and cute as a button. Both of them caught on very quickly. I was wrapped around their chubby little fingers from the start.  
  
It was in 1997 that the accident happened. Both of the twins had been sick, and we had taken them to the pediatrician's office. We were on our way back to the house when we were hit head on by a drunk driver. Kit was killed instantly, and E.J.'s car seat failed. He was thrown forward and out of the car. He was dead before he hit the ground.  
  
A.J. and I had survived, but not without injuries. After we both got out of the hospital, we both learned to cope. I'm still not sure how to tell her the truth of what happened all those years ago. It wasn't her fault, but it still brings back memories that I would prefer to forget right now.  
  
As I look at A.J., I think about what happened to put her in a hospital bed with life-threatening injuries again. She and a few friends that I knew well were riding with her friend Shelly's mom. They had just left softball practice and were on their way to get something to eat when they were hit by a drunk driver.  
  
The other driver wasn't hurt very badly, just a couple of broken ribs and a broken nose. The only visible injury that A.J. had was a cut on the right side of her face. Her back was broken and it is possible that she might never walk again. Three of the other girls in the minivan were killed on impact, as was Shelly's mom. The other two are still in ICU. I pray every night for them all to heal.  
  
As I sit here in the waiting room and write this, I keep an eye out for the doctor. I want the latest news about my little girl. My father just walked in, and he's just as upset as I am. He asks me about how much I know of what happened, and I tell him. The only thing that I don't tell him is that the drunk driver is just a few rooms away down the hall from A.J.  
  
I hear a noise, and I look up. The doctor is signaling me for some reason. I stick my head into A.J.'s room- Yes! She's awake! Thank God, she's awake! I walk up to the bed and take her hand, small, fragile, and pale in mine. She squeezes it lightly; smiling slightly, fear in her eyes.  
  
I want to bend over and remind her that I'm not mad at her, that it wasn't her fault. Things happen.  
  
She drifts off again as the doctor adds a painkiller to one of the IV lines running into her thin arm.  
  
I know what it is she's afraid of. She's afraid that if she is stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, that I won't want her or love her anymore. A father's love is forever. I love her for her and not for any other reason. There won't be anything that happens that can tear me away from her.  
  
I'll be there for every bit of therapy that she will have, and for every little triumph and every little disappointment that there will be.  
  
I sit here and watch my daughter sleeping in this hospital bed and I want to stay here at her side until she is released. But there is another side of me, one that wants to walk down the hall to the room where the drunk driver that did this to her is kept; a part of me that wants to hurt him like he has hurt me.  
  
I hold myself back because if I were to do anything, Audrey would take it badly, and right now we're at the wait and see stage with her.  
  
This is the reason why I am so hard on the soldiers that come in the infirmary because of injuring themselves while they were drunk. I know what it can do to a person. 


	2. flashbacks

I sit here, holding her hand, gently stroking it and softly talking to her. I know that she knows that I am here, but can't acknowledge the fact. I brush back the hair that has fallen into her face.  
  
She looks so much like her mother that it's not funny. A.J. inherited my raven black hair, but she got her mother's silver-green eyes. She also got my height, and Kit's figure and features.  
  
One thing about it, she's definitely going to be a beautiful woman when she grows up. I know that most fathers feel that way about their kids, but in my case it happens to be true.  
  
The doctor's here, telling me something about taking her into surgery and putting a couple of steel rods in her back to help support her spine. I step back and lightly kiss A.J. on the forehead, letting her know that I'll be here when she gets out of surgery.  
  
While they wheel her into the operating room, I go to the waiting room and get my dad. We argue for a few minutes about whether we should go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat while they're operating on Audrey, or whether we should just wait.  
  
I wind up winning just by using my logic. In order to get her to keep her strength up, we're going to have to keep ours up. Besides, neither one of us is going to want to leave her side when she gets back.  
  
For the first time in a long time, Dad agreed with me. We go down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. I don't taste any of the sandwich as I eat it; my minds is a couple of floors up in the operating room with my baby girl.  
  
My mind flashes back ten years to a very similar incident. Only then it was a minor operation to close up a kidney of Audrey's that had been split in the accident.  
  
As far as I can remember, I was flat on my back on a hospital bed at the time myself. I remember that Hawk came to visit, and Stretcher and Bree, and even Psyche-Out came. Thomas came almost every day and kept me updated on A.J.'s condition.  
  
My hand automatically reaches for the scar on my arm where I blocked my face as the windshield imploded. I can still hear Kit's choked scream before she died.  
  
I remember leaning over the back of the seat to check on A.J. as the car finally came to a stop. There was never a peep out of her, but I could tell that she was in serious pain.  
  
I looked over at Kit and realized why she wouldn't answer me when I called her name. Her neck was broken; she was dead. It didn't affect me as much then as it did later, when I got out of the hospital.  
  
A.J. was still in the hospital after I got out and she was there about a month longer than I was.  
  
When she finally got out, she still had a lot of therapy to go through, and I made sure that she knew that I would be there for her. I never thought that a toddler, a four year old, would have the kind of determination that A.J. did.  
  
For a while after the accident, we moved in with my dad. It was tough, but I finally understood why he was the way he was. I finally understood why my mother's death affected him so much. I loved Kit just as much as he had loved my mother and when she died it tore him to pieces. Thank God for my uncle and aunts. 


	3. Letters

My Dearest Daughter,  
  
I watch you sleeping in this hospital bed, and I know that I have to tell you what I'm feeling and what is going on, again.  
  
Your 'Uncles' Clay and Dashiell, and 'Aunt' Allison came by to see you earlier. They're as worried about you as I am. 'Uncle' Kenny is here now, along with Bree and Thomas. Even Ralph Pulaski, Courtney Krieger, and Wayne Sneeden showed up to check on you. I told you that the others on the base cared about you. You're very popular.  
  
A lot of your friends have also shown up, and some of your teachers. They said that they would save your assignments and let you work on them when you get ready to. They will also help you if and when you need it.  
  
I need to tell you about your mother and what happened when you were a small child. It's important.  
  
Your mother, Kit, was one heck of a woman. We first met when I bumped into her at school. Our relationship started over a cup of coffee, and progressed from there.  
  
The reason that you feel lonely sometimes, as if there is a part of you that is missing is because there is a part of you missing. You were born with a twin brother, E.J. I don't know if you remember, but you were two of a kind.  
  
I was so happy when you two were born. I felt that my life was finally complete. I had a beautiful, intelligent wife, and two beautiful, wonderful children.  
  
Ten years ago, when you were four, there was an accident. I don't know how much of it you remember, but it changed our lives completely.  
  
You and E.J. had come down with a serious cold that was on the verge of turning into pneumonia. We took the pair of you to the pediatrician, and we were on our way back to the house, when a drunk driver hit us.  
  
Your mother was killed instantly, her neck broken, and your twin brother was thrown out of the car when his car seat failed, and he was also killed. I had minor injuries, and you were seriously injured.  
  
You had serious internal injuries where you had slammed into the seat belt. Your kidney had been split, and they had to do surgery on you to fix it. You got an infection a few days after the operation and they had to give you a round of powerful antibiotics.  
  
There was some speculation about your being able to walk again as your spine had been sprung, to put it in terms that you can understand. You were in therapy to help you learn how to walk again, and you really surprised me. I never knew that such a young child would have that much determination. You never once gave up; even when I was ready to call it quits.  
  
I wasn't really ready to be a single father of a daughter, but when this happened, I had to adapt. Audrey, you were such a trooper about it. You never once blamed me, even when I screwed up.  
  
Once again I sit here and watch over you as you recover from being hit by a drunk driver. It brings up memories, and makes me again realize how precious that life is, and how important you are to me.  
  
I love you so much. I love you for you, not for any other reason. Because you're my daughter. Even if you are paralyzed from here on out, I will still love you and cherish you.  
  
I'll close this letter for now and write more later. Remember, A.J., that you will always be my baby girl and that I will always love you.  
  
Your loving Father, Edwin Steen 


	4. I understand

Dear Dad,  
  
A.J. is doing much better now, and is supposed to get out of the hospital next week. I can't wait to bring her home where she belongs.  
  
It's been really scary these last couple of days, as the cuts on her back became infected somehow. She's a very strong little girl. I realize now that she is so much like Kit in that respect. There's nothing that can keep her down.  
  
She's been sitting up by herself for the last week and a half, and the doctors have told me that if she works hard enough, she will be able to walk again. Praise the Lord!  
  
She asked me if I would take her by the cemetery when she gets out, so that she can finally tell her friends good-bye. Shelly, Cameron, and Theresa were the three girls killed in the wreck besides Shelly's mom.  
  
The other two girls, who survived along with A.J., have started a small support group for people who have survived like them. All three of them will be wheelchair bound for a while, but they've all vowed to get their therapy appointments at the same time, so that they can cheer each other on while they learn to walk again.  
  
Out of all of them, A.J. has the farthest to go. All of them are optimistic, and are looking forward to learning to live their lives again.  
  
A.J., Morgan, and Faith were subpoenaed to testify about the wreck at the trial. I have also been asked to testify, because I was one of the first ones on the scene. You have no idea how much that tore my heart out, when I realized who the occupants of the minivan were.  
  
It's almost lunchtime, so I'll let you go so I can fulfill a promise and take "my girls", the survivors, to lunch.  
  
I just wanted you to know that I understand why you acted the way you did after Mom died. I understand completely. I know that we've been estranged for a long time, but I wanted to try and see if we could maybe revive a relationship.  
  
A.J. says to tell you hi, and that she's looking forward to coming out to Seattle this summer.  
  
Love, Edwin 


	5. Letter of Praise

A.J.,  
  
What a remarkable young woman you've grown into! It's nice to know that you still possess the same amount of determination that you did when you went through this before.  
  
Your mother would have been proud of you, as I am. I look at you and I see a beautiful woman blossoming in front of my eyes. Beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. You don't give up, and you won't let the others give up either.  
  
Morgan told me the other day that the only thing that's giving her the incentive to walk again is the fact that you have faith in her and Faith. Even when you're in severe pain, you always cheer them on. You never once let it get you down.  
  
I have to confess, I would have given up a long time ago. I'm not as strong as you think I am. You've always been stronger than I have. When life got painful for me, I ran away. You faced the pain head-on and defeated it. I'm so proud of you.  
  
I admire your ability to rely on others when you have to; your ability to ask for help when you need it. For most of my life, I've been forced to rely on myself because there was no one else.  
  
You have made me so happy, little one. You can make me laugh and smile when no one else can.  
  
I guess that pretty soon, I'm going to have to quit calling you my 'little girl'. You're growing up so fast. I feel like I blinked and you went from being the toddler hiding behind my leg to being the high school freshman that you are today. Jeez, where has the time gone?  
  
I remember the day when I first introduced you to General Abernathy, who was one of your adopted godfathers. You were so shy in those days. You just would not come out from where you were hiding, no matter what I did. I even offered you plenty of bribes, but nope, you weren't coming out until you were good and ready. I remember the one piece of advice that he gave me that day. "Don't worry about her hiding right now. She's going through the shy stage, and when she blossoms, you'll wish that she had never gotten out of that stage."  
  
Sure enough, once you got used to him, you'd come running whenever you heard him or one of the other guys coming. I hate to admit it, but they spoiled you, just like they should have. Like I expected them to. Always remember, my daughter, that true beauty comes from the inside, and no amount of scarring can detract from it. I know that the scar on your cheek bothers you, and I want to help you hide it, but then I remember what you had to go through when you got it.  
  
I view the scar on your face as a badge of courage. It caused you a lot of pain, but you never once said a thing about it. I never heard one complaint out of you, no matter how much you were hurting.  
  
You are such a wonderful little girl. You've only been home from the hospital for three days, and you're already caught up with your schoolwork. I particularly like the fact that when you're not busy with school or something else, that you hang around the infirmary with me, and are so genuinely interested in medicine. One day, my Baby Girl, you'll be an excellent doctor, if that's what you want.  
  
Thomas told me the other day that he's been letting you help him. That he's letting you clean wounds and that he even lets you take care of some of the less damaging wounds by yourself, with him standing there to supervise. He's glad that you come over there and help.  
  
I've heard from some of the guys that you're a great medic yourself, and they don't mind you taking care of the smaller cuts and superficial burns.  
  
I love you so much, A.J. I don't know what I'd do without you, and according to these guys, neither do they.  
  
I'll let you go for now so that I can get back to these reports that need to be done. I just had to let you know how I was feeling, and I'm too afraid to tell you to your face.  
  
Love Always, Daddy 


	6. Revelations

Dear Dad,  
  
I'll never be able to tell you how I really feel. I couldn't have done any of this without you.  
  
The only reason that I don't want to give up is because I don't want you to be disappointed in me. That's my biggest fear.  
  
I need to tell you what I want to do from here. After graduation, if it's okay with you, and if they'll accept me, I want to go into the military as a corpsman myself. A lot of the guys said that they'd stand up for me if I needed it.  
  
Stretcher has been teaching me what he knows. He also has been helping me out with my balance and helping me to walk again. So has Bree and Psyche-Out.  
  
I don't think you know about this, but during the day, I may not say anything about feeling pain or anything, but at night, when I'm alone in my room, more often than not I've cried myself to sleep.  
  
I have this feeling that somewhere along the line, I've failed you. My grades aren't what they should be, and I feel like I'm too stupid to learn this stuff.  
  
The kids at school do nothing but tease and taunt me, ever since I came back. I spend as little time with them as I can, but they just can't let me be. The biggest problem with that is that the teachers won't do anything to help. I've tried talking with the principal and guidance counselors about it, but they tell me that there's nothing they can do, either.  
  
I'm so close to giving up right now that it's not even funny anymore. That's why I look like I'm so stressed all of the time. I'm worried about a million things and I don't know how to turn it off.  
  
I'll close now and go finish my homework. I need to do a ten-page report for P.E. because I'm not able to participate physically in the class.  
  
I love you Daddy. Nothing will ever change that. I know that a lot of people accuse you of it being your fault that Mom and E.J. were killed, and I know that it tears you up to think that. It wasn't your fault; it never was. God needed a couple of angels, so he took them.  
  
Love, A.J. 


	7. A little humor

Dear A.J.,  
  
I was talking with your dad the other day, and we both agreed that you are definitely a remarkable young woman. You're extremely smart, sweet and fun to be around.  
  
The other day, when I went with your dad to drop you off at school that morning, I saw the hidden side of you. I'll never forget the look on his face when you turned around and told that boy that "that's why you have the basketballs, and all he had was a pair of ping pong balls."  
  
I had a hard time keeping a straight face and not laughing, but before we were more than two blocks away, we were both doubled over laughing. That boy deserved it.  
  
Thank you for helping me in the infirmary. You have no idea how it helps to have someone who can concentrate on just the very minor wounds, which frees me up to look at the worse ones.  
  
You may not notice, but I see how your dad watches you when you're there. I see the pride in his eyes, and I can see how much he really loves you.  
  
Kid, the man dotes on you. His world revolves around you. You're all he has, A.J. I know that both of you try to do what's best for both of you.  
  
Take care of yourself, little girl. I can see that you're on the edge of burnout. Save some of that energy for yourself.  
  
I'm here to talk if you need me. I'll always be here for you.  
  
Take care, Stretcher 


	8. What was Momma like?

Dearest A.J.,  
  
Last night you asked me a question that totally caught me off guard. You asked me what your mother had been like. I knew that the day you would ask that would come one day, but I really didn't expect it so soon.  
  
I first met your mother at school. It was after the Joe team disbanded and I decided to go ahead and go to medical school. I was late for class that morning, and so was she. I literally bumped into her and we both rolled down the stairs. Neither one of us was injured other than an occasional bruise, but our books had managed to combine and make a huge mess.  
  
Her notes got mixed up with mine, and it would have taken us a while to figure out which notes belonged to who, so I invited her out for coffee after classes to go through them, and divide them up. She accepted.  
  
We went down to the local coffeehouse where we sat and talked for a couple of hours after going through our notes and getting them settled. I found out that she had had a hard background, and was putting herself through school.  
  
Neither one of her parents had wanted her, and she had been thrown out when she was barely eight years old. I don't know how she did it, but she had the discipline to put herself through school and graduate.  
  
She had just gotten through getting dumped by a real jerk of a boyfriend (I met the guy. He really WAS an idiot.), and she was having trouble in one of our classes because of it. I offered to tutor her and only that, and once again, she accepted my offer.  
  
Soon after I started tutoring her, I discovered that I wanted more. I wanted her to be my girlfriend. I held back on asking her because I knew that she needed time to get over the jerkwad.  
  
When I felt like she was ready, I asked her out on a date. She surprised me by telling me that she was just about to ask me the same thing. We went out to dinner and then we went dancing.  
  
A year later, after we started dating seriously, I knew that she was the one. I can remember her face so clearly that night that I proposed to her.  
  
I had made reservations at one of our favorite little cafés, and I told them what I was going to do. They helped me tremendously. The table that we had was in a back corner away from all the noise and bustle.  
  
I had bought a single red rose for her and when I gave it to her she started crying. She was unprepared for what came next. When she suddenly realized what I was up to, I knew that she understood.  
  
I got down on one knee and I asked her to marry me. It didn't take her anytime to think about it. She said yes immediately.  
  
I had even called her ex-boyfriend and he was there at the time. I saw the look of satisfaction in her eyes as she saw him. It was almost as if she were saying "Ha Ha. You ignorant fool. Now you've gone and lost the best thing you ever had to another man."  
  
Six months later, we were married. I remember seeing her at the end of the aisle and what happened next could have ruined the wedding, but she dealt with it so swiftly that I was stunned.  
  
Her father had grudgingly agreed to give her away because, you see, she still loved her family even though they hated her. That's the kind of woman she was.  
  
Well, to get back to the story, she was at the end of the aisle and her father just dumped her hard. She didn't even stop to try and figure out what was going on like the rest of us; she just instantly began to walk herself down the aisle.  
  
When her parents stood up and started giving reasons that we shouldn't or couldn't get married, I'll never forget the bleakness in her eyes. I knew that they were dredging up her past in order to hurt her future.  
  
They told me that she was not a virgin and all this other stuff that had happened in her past, and all I could do was smile. What they didn't know was that six weeks before the wedding, she had sat me down and told me about it all. This was nothing new to me.  
  
After they realized that they weren't going to disrupt the wedding, they got up and rushed out. From then on everything was perfect.  
  
A few months later, I knew that she wasn't feeling right. I made her an appointment at her doctor' s office and went to school as if nothing was going on. When I got home that day, she was in the kitchen making dinner and wearing a bright red shirt that said "Don't Panic".  
  
I looked at her as she dropped the knife that she was using and ran to the bathroom to throw up. It suddenly dawned on me what the shirt meant. I followed her and asked her about it and she confirmed that yes, she was indeed pregnant. Then she hit me with the double whammy- it was twins.  
  
I sat down hard on the floor, laughing. I could see two things were obvious. One, she was exhausted and two, the smell of food was making her sick to her stomach. So I did what any gallant husband would do, I told her to go take a nap while I finished dinner. Big mistake. I forgot how much of a kitchen disaster I was. I could live on my cooking, but I wasn't sure if anyone else could.  
  
She wasn't able to keep much of it down, so from then until the morning sickness subsided, we ate out.  
  
I watched her belly swell with you and your twin brother and I knew deep down inside that life for me was perfect. I graduated from med school and was in my residency when she went into labor one night.  
  
I remember when she rolled over and shook my shoulder. I was never a deep sleeper, and I was wide-awake when she did that. She was just coming back from the bathroom when she told me that it was time.  
  
I didn't panic. I just calmly got her and her bags into the car and drove to the hospital. She kept saying I drove like a maniac that night, but I don't remember.  
  
She was in labor for about ten hours before they wound up having to take the two of you by cesarean section. Edwin Christopher Steen, Jr., came screaming into this world just moment before you joined him doing the same exact thing.  
  
I remember them telling me that I had a son and a daughter, and that's all I remember for a little while until I woke up on a hospital bed myself, and they told me that I had fainted.  
  
From the beginning the two of you had me wrapped around those little fingers tightly. Very tightly. My father and I reconciled after I realized what had caused him to be the way that he was with my sister and I.  
  
Deep down, I always knew that he loved me, no matter what.  
  
I'll let you go now, little one. And if you ever need to ask me anything, go ahead. That's what I'm here for.  
  
Love, Daddy 


	9. What is going on?

A.J.,  
  
Your teachers have told me that there is something different about you, since you came back. Something about an inability to concentrate and do what you're told. They said that you spend so much time daydreaming that you don't get your work done.  
  
A.J., you've never had a problem with this before. I've also been told that your journal entries in English class are full of dark thoughts and veiled threats.  
  
What's wrong? I know that you said you were being teased and taunted, but dealing with it has never been too much for you to deal with. The teachers and school officials say that they haven't seen any incidents or any evidence of the teasing.  
  
It's not that I don't believe you, baby; it's just that this is such a radical shift in your personality. You used to be such a vibrant, loving girl.  
  
Where did I go wrong? Did I push you too hard? Did I not have enough time for you?  
  
I feel like I've done something to you to make you turn into this total opposite of your usual self.  
  
What is it, Punkin? What happened? What's going on? Why are you doing this all of a sudden? Psyche-Out told me that this was a natural reaction to the trauma that you suffered, and it's quite normal. I'm not so certain.  
  
Talk to me, please. Let me in on what's going through your head. I want to know your every fear, your dreams, and your ambitions.  
  
Love, Daddy 


	10. Do you really want to know?

Dear Daddy,  
  
I know that you won't believe me anyway, but I've been telling the truth the whole time. The rest of the students, I guess, can't comprehend that I feel the need for solitude and silence that I have.  
  
As to the journal entries, why shouldn't I be angry? That drunk driver took a lot away from me and gave me nothing in return but pain. I can't even play softball anymore thanks to him. I used to use the game for tension release, but now I have to use my writing for that purpose.  
  
The reason that I don't speak up in class the way I used to is because of three reasons. Number one, because I don't trust anyone to know what I'm talking about, number two is because all they do is laugh, and that includes the teachers, and they treat me like I'm some stupid piece of trash that suddenly decided to show up in the class; and number three is because I don't want anyone looking at me. I'm hideous.  
  
I know that I'll never be pretty like the other girls, even though that's really all I want. I feel like I've been deserted by my friends and it hurts. Morgan and Faith were both back about the same time that I was, but their boyfriends decided that they wanted to stay with them.  
  
Mine called me fat and ugly to my face, yelling it at me in front of the whole school, breaking up with me. I never felt as low as I did that day. I could see the pity and revulsion in their eyes. Is it any wonder that I escape to my mind all the time now?  
  
A.J. 


	11. PsycheOut's Report

Subject:__Audrey J. Steen____________  
  
Date:__April 14  
  
Symptoms:__Jumpiness, hyperactivity, emotionally numb, outbursts of anger or extreme depression._______________________________________________________  
  
Subject says that she feels that there is no one listens to her when she needs to talk about something. She feels left out and forgotten.  
  
She is definitely hurting. She feels that no one pays any attention to her unless they really need something. She is afraid of males, not that I can really blame her. I probably would too if I was her.  
  
She says that whenever she hears a siren or sees a car like the ones involved in the accident that nearly killed her, she gets short of breath, and her vision and hearing fade out.  
  
She says that she knows she loves her friends and family, but she can't dredge up the actual feelings.  
  
Most of her schoolwork reflects her inner anger and pain. Apparently, there is a large amount of teasing and taunting going on at the school, and none of the teachers or officials is doing anything about it.  
  
She said that the wreck wasn't the only thing that causes her to hate going to school. She feels that there is some sexual harassment going on. (Guys calling her names, and grabbing her in places when she ignores them.) She revealed to me that there was more than one incident of actual rape that she did not tell her father about. She said that she didn't want him to hate her.  
  
Subject shows definite signs of PTSD, and major depression.  
  
My recommendation is that her family gets her away from here for a little while, and spends some time alone with her. They definitely need to find out what's really been going on.  
  
Ken Rich, PhD  
  
PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder  
  
A/N: I got this idea just before I fell asleep last night. I knew that I had to do it as soon as I got up this morning.  
  
This report is based on one that has been done on myself. I don't think that anyone else knows that I saw it, but I did.  
  
I suffer from PTSD from incidents that happened in my childhood that no one will ever learn the truth about from me, and also bipolar disorder (manic depression), and have for most of my life.  
  
We're just normal people, but please, we tend to be a little more sensitive than most others.  
  
Please try not to treat us as if we're not human or something, because, believe me, that hurts more than anything else.  
  
MOE 


	12. Here's what I'm going to do

I can't believe that she wouldn't trust me enough to tell me about something like this. I would never turn on her the way she thinks.  
  
I know why she thinks I would, though. I don't spend enough time with her, and the gang that she usually hangs out with is full of people backstabbing each other and turning on them.  
  
All I want to do right now, since I just finished reading Ken's report about it, is to run to her and pull her close to me and hold her.  
  
There have been times when I thought that she was just looking for attention, but what if I was wrong? What if that had really happened?  
  
I've noticed a change in her, but I never put much stock in it until now. No wonder she's become so withdrawn and solitary. No wonder she would rather go home by herself than hang out here at the infirmary.  
  
If I ever find out who it is that's hurting my baby girl, there will be no other thing to do except arrest me for murder. And the really scary thing about it is the fact that I know a lot of the other soldiers here feel the same way.  
  
Even Beach Head is threatening to jump this guy. I can't argue with him because I also appreciate the grace that A.J. shows as she demonstrates the gauntlet to the new recruits.  
  
I'm going to take Kenny's advice and get A.J. away from this torment, and hopefully re-cement our relationship. I don't spend near enough time with her.  
  
She needs to know just how much we really do love and appreciate her. It's time that I took time off just to be with her.  
  
I need to tell her and prove to her that there is nothing that can tear us apart. She will always be my baby girl and there is nothing that could make me hate her for any reason.  
  
First, I'll call the school and leave a message for her to come here to the infirmary and not go to the house. Then I'll call the travel agent and see what I can do about a vacation for the pair of us.  
  
I'll tell her not to worry about cooking tonight, that we're going out. I know that she is also exhausted from all the work she does. She deals with school, cleans, cooks, and often helps here. I don't know how she does it. I wouldn't have that much energy. 


	13. plot twister

I took A.J. to Hawaii just to get away from it all.  
  
The first night we were there, she began to have a series of nightmares. After I woke her up from the second one, she broke down and told me what had happened.  
  
I never thought that I could feel this much rage directed at one person. I'm more upset at this boy than I was at that drunk driver, who by the way, got fifteen years for three counts of vehicular homicide and an additional five years each for three counts of assault with a deadly weapon, not to mention the five years he got for his eighth charge of drunk driving.  
  
She told me that only three other people on the base knew what had happened when it happened: Stretcher, because he had found her bloody and bruised in the street, Chuckles, and Law because he had called them when he realized what had happened.  
  
We were on the beach the other day when I noticed something different about A.J. And then my brain processed some of the other anomalies that I'd noticed, but not really thought about.  
  
On the beach, I noticed that she got winded a lot easier than usual, and when she stretched, I noticed that her body was a tad bit more voluptuous than it was before. I had put it down to her growing up, but coupled with the other symptoms, I may have been wrong.  
  
Every morning since we've been here, she's gotten up about four-thirty or five o'clock in the morning and started throwing up. She told me that it had happened for a couple of weeks before we left. I also noticed that she was losing hair at an amazing rate, and other symptoms that I had attributed to stress.  
  
When she told me about the gang of guys that had jumped her and raped her, I figured that if she were pregnant, she'd already be showing signs. Unfortunately, I was blinded by rage for a while. I told her that I'd be back in a little while and to lock the door behind me. I took a long walk, trying to figure out what was going on inside of me. When the heck did I get so violent?  
  
I stopped at one of the drugstores there and bought a pregnancy test. Sure enough, my suspicions were confirmed when A.J. took it. Yes, I'm going to be a grandfather in about seven months.  
  
I know that A.J. blames herself. She thinks that I'm disappointed in her, but it's not her that I'm disappointed in. It's the school. They should have known and done something when this gang started bragging about what they had done. I called Chuckles and told him what I had found out from her, and he agreed to keep everything quiet while he went after them.  
  
I watch her sleeping on the couch here this afternoon, knowing that usually, she'd be doing what every other girl her age would have been doing. Normally, she'd have been flirting with guys on the beach.  
  
I still don't believe what happened when I took her to buy a new bathing suit. I knew that she liked bikinis and that she looked good in them, but she vetoed every choice that I made for her, and finally bought a one piece that was more suited to an older grandmother than for a beautiful young woman like herself. When I asked her why, she just told me that the others "had shown too much skin". I'll never understand.  
  
I'm slowly but surely proving to her that I'll be here for her, no matter what. She still doesn't believe that I don't hate her. I'll close for now, because she'll be waking up in a few minutes, and I know that she'll be hungry. 


	14. Diary of a teenage mother

Oh, God, I just know he's going to kill me now.  
  
I know he thinks that it's my fault, even though he keeps telling me that he doesn't.  
  
During spring break, Dad and I went to Hawaii for a vacation. While we were there, I started having nightmares, and I finally had to break down and tell him what was going on.  
  
I had to tell him that I kept getting sick in the morning, and we found out why. I'm pregnant.  
  
This can't be happening. I'll be 15 next June, but I know that I am too young to be having a baby.  
  
I know that Dad blames me, and so will the rest of the gang when they find out. Why does this stuff keep happening to me?  
  
What is it about me that attracts trouble?  
  
All I can remember is that Terry jumped me just after school, and I fought him as he pulled my shirt off. After that everything goes black until I look up to find Stretcher leaning over me. After that, everything goes black again until I wake up in a bed in the infirmary and Dad is looking like crap, to put it mildly.  
  
I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. My life is going fine, and then boom, all of a sudden, I don't know up from down or right from left. What am I going to do?  
  
How can I prove to Dad and the rest of the gang that I'm not the failure that they consider me to be? How can I prove that I'm capable of dealing with things myself?  
  
I got homework to go do, so I'll close this out and go finish it. 


	15. Runaway

Dear Dad,  
  
I know that you'll probably hate me when you read this, but it can't be helped.  
  
Please know that it isn't your fault. I had to do it. I had to prove to myself that I could make it on my own.  
  
Please don't try to find me. You won't be able to until I allow it.  
  
Daddy, please know that I love you and always will. It's just that I can't stay here and cope, knowing that I've failed you.  
  
I promise that I'll take good care of myself and the baby. And I'll let you know when it's born.  
  
Love always, A.J. 


	16. Or something else?

I understand. God in heaven, I understand. I see now why she wanted to keep me from finding out.  
  
Now I've lost my little girl and whatever happiness we had. I know that she thinks that I won't be able to find her. But I will. And it won't take me long either.  
  
I understand why she asked Stretcher to keep it quiet, and on a need to know basis. I can realize why she asked that he only tell Law and Chuckles about it.  
  
She's right about one thing. I would have gone after him and made sure that he wasn't able to do anything to another girl again. They'd have had to arrest me for murder.  
  
It's a case of history repeating itself. I can't see why she thinks that running away would be the answer.  
  
I know it's not. I, myself, was a teenage runaway. I couldn't stand the way my father treated me. He was abusive and a workaholic to boot.  
  
Right now, I feel like such a loser. Stretcher, Bree and Psyche-Out ran me out for the afternoon because they said that I was being a bear, and a pain in the aspirin bottle to boot.  
  
All of a sudden it hit me! The two thoughts that had been nibbling at the back of my mind suddenly gelled and I knew. A.J. had not written that letter. I grabbed one of the notes that I knew for a fact was in her handwriting and I compared them. It looked nothing like her handwriting. It wasn't hers!  
  
And the reason for the slight mess in the living room, which was very unlike her, was because she had put up a struggle. She fought whoever it was, but had lost. There was a little blood on the carpet, which meant that either she had gotten in a good scratch with her fingernails, or that someone had bashed her in the nose. (Which was the most likely scenario.)  
  
She hadn't run away. Rather she had been kidnapped. I grabbed her bookbag and was going through it when I spotted a note from one of her teachers, Mr. Sanderson. I compared it with the runaway note and they looked almost identical.  
  
I ran down to Chuckles' office and asked him to compare it for me. Sure enough, even though the writer had tried to disguise it, it was his handwriting. I grabbed the phonebook and we started going through the names, looking for his address.  
  
Scoop beat us to it by looking it up on the computer. Chuckles called Law, and I called a couple of other officers that I knew would help us, and we set up a plan to get her back.  
  
I'm so upset. I'm headed out a little later to go after A.J. and her kidnapper, Terry Sanderson, who was her algebra teacher. And who also, as it turns out, is the father of the baby.  
  
I told the rest of those that were going that I had first dibs on him, but Stretcher and Chuckles both told me that I wasn't going to be allowed to take him on personally.  
  
They reminded me that I was going to be needed to give A.J. my full support. She was going to need me more than ever, and this time, I'm determined not to let her down.  
  
Hang on, baby girl, Daddy's coming. And this time, there's nothing that will stop him. 


	17. Captive

I can't believe this is happening. What does my algebra teacher have against me? I never told anybody who it was that had raped me.  
  
Everybody thinks that it was one of the boys from one of my classes. I swear that I never told anyone.  
  
I don't understand why he isn't letting me go home, or why he keeps me literally chained to the bed. There is a chain that is latched around my ankle, just long enough for me to go to the bathroom.  
  
At least he's letting me write to my diary. I would go stir crazy if he didn't.  
  
I want to go home. I miss my dad. I wonder what he's doing at the moment, and realize that he probably believes the note that Mr. Sanderson left telling him that I was running away.  
  
I feel lower than a snakes' belly. I can't understand why I let him in, when I knew that he was probably up to no good.  
  
He's probably made sure that Dad hates me now. I know that I've disappointed him once again.  
  
Stretcher is probably on duty, so I can't call him for advice. But then again, it would be a miracle if I could get to a phone.  
  
I lost the baby last night. I don't know what it was that was in the drink that was given to me, but I do know that it caused me to miscarry.  
  
Mr. Sanderson told me that he didn't want me pregnant on our wedding night, which he revealed to me last night, is to be Saturday evening, when he gets back.  
  
God help me, but I hope that something happens to him before then. I don't want to marry him. All I want is to be a normal teenager, but it looks like it'll never happen.  
  
I talked to Frank Talltree the other day about charging the school for not protecting me, and for possibly suing them. He agrees that we do have a good case for it, and he's agreed to do the legal work for us if we decided to proceed.  
  
Jeez, Uncle Snakes would come in handy right about now. I need to get out of here, the quicker, the better.  
  
I'll close for tonight and try to write some more tomorrow when my head is clearer. 


	18. Aftermath

I hate to do it like this, but I'm going to have to.  
  
I sent Jaye and Flint with A.J. to Seattle to stay with my dad. They have explicit instructions on how much they can tell him, if A.J. doesn't.  
  
I know that Flint will do his best to protect both A.J. and Allie, and vice versa.  
  
I would have gone with them myself, but I need to stay here and put some things into motion. Law arrested the teacher on rape and kidnapping charges, and Chuckles is posing as a substitute teacher at the school to figure out who, if anyone, else was involved.  
  
Airborne, Franklin Talltree, is acting as our attorney while we're suing the school and the school board. I discovered quite by accident that the teacher that had said that they saw nothing involving teasing and taunting was the one who was doing the worst of it.  
  
Not to mention the fact that once we had his fingerprints, we discovered that he had a warrant out for his arrest in six other states for doing the same thing that he did to A.J. He said that he'd pick out someone who had just been through a traumatic situation and then force them to acquiesce to him, knowing that friends and family would put it down to the trauma, and not pick up on the fact that he was doing something to them until it was too late. After he had kidnapped the girls and forced them to marry him, he would have sex with them until they got pregnant, and then kill them.  
  
If it weren't for A.J. becoming pregnant before he grabbed her, we never would have known. God works in mysterious ways.  
  
I remember last night when I called my dad to tell him that I was sending A.J. over to stay with him for a little while with a pair of bodyguards, who also happened to be a couple of her godparents.  
  
Jaye told me before they left that if I needed anything, that I was to call them, no matter what time or what it pertained to.  
  
I can't believe the bastard drugged her and caused her to have a miscarriage. I would dearly love to get my hands on him, but I know that as long as there are soldiers on this base, that he will be protected, if only to ensure that he gets to trial.  
  
I was watching the news last night and somehow, the incident had gotten to the media. A.J.'s name wasn't mentioned, but there were enough identifying details that anyone who knows her can figure it out.  
  
I'm so sorry about the parents of the other girls that he did this to. A.J. is the only one to survive.  
  
By the way, FYI, the note that I found in her bookbag that day when she was taken, was a love note from him. What an idiot! His own cockiness tripped him up.  
  
Since the other girls had destroyed the note before they got home, he figured that A.J. would too. I guess he didn't know that she is truly one of a kind.  
  
Stretcher said that she had moaned something about a 'sander' or something when he found her on the street in front of the school that night, but we didn't figure it out until now. She was trying to tell us who had done this to her.  
  
We sent Snake Eyes and Jinx in to get her out once we found her. He was keeping her chained in a small cabin in the woods just north of town. Snakes said that when they found her, she was lying on the floor between the bed and the bathroom, bleeding heavily. He said that he had done all he could to stop the bleeding, and then he carried her out and back to where we had set up a command post.  
  
I remember when he carried her into the clearing...she was so pale, I wasn't sure that she was even alive. It was touch and go for a little while until we got her stabilized. That was the longest night of my life. I thought that I was about to lose my last link with Kit.  
  
God, I miss her. I just hope that she knows that I've tried my best to love and protect our daughter. I know I've failed, but I did try.  
  
Dads called this afternoon to let me know that A.J., Flint and Lady Jaye had gotten there and were all sleeping off the jet lag.  
  
I'm glad we finally reconciled our differences and our relationship. It means that I have someone else that I can count on to help if I need it.  
  
He also told me that he had called one of the best doctors in town to keep an eye on A.J. He said that he had made an appointment for her day after tomorrow, so that he could see what kind of damage that we were dealing with.  
  
I would dearly love to be there myself, but I have to rely on someone else to keep me updated.  
  
I'll have to leave now, so I can get to the courthouse on time. Luckily, A.J. isn't needed for the preliminary hearing. It's when the trial starts that we're going to have our hands full. 


	19. court

I'm so proud of my baby girl! She was so calm, cool and collected, no matter what happened or which questions were asked of her.  
  
I'm still not sure if I really heard it or not, but when the defense asked if it was true that she was not raped, but she had led him on, I think I heard Lowlight and Short Fuze start growling. I don't blame them, because I was pretty pissed myself.  
  
A.J. didn't miss a beat though. She just looked at him like he was daft and told him point blank that no, she had not led him on. In fact, she said, a relationship with anybody was the LAST thing on her mind. The only thing on her mind was surviving the day without pain.  
  
I'm still in shock from when she first came downstairs this morning, dressed for court. Snake Eyes and Scarlett had taken her shopping the other day for an outfit that would be perfect for the courtroom. They wouldn't let me see it until today.  
  
She was wearing a two-piece jacket and skirt, gray and black. You couldn't tell that she was wearing make-up unless you know what to look for, but she did it so masterfully that I didn't even know. She had pulled her raven black hair back and twisted it into a French twist, the way her mother used to do all the time.  
  
She looked so grown up; it made me feel a little sick. I felt like I was losing my daughter once again. I'm not ready to let her go; yet the time is coming soon when I will have to.  
  
I'm not sure why, but I kinda expected her to burst into tears at some points in her testimony, but she never did. I wish I had that kind of inner strength. She did say later, though, that she had taken a lot of her courage from the Joes that were in the room with us, supporting us. 


	20. making an idiot of myself

I wish I could have been as calm and collected as A.J. was on the stand yesterday. All I did was make an idiot of myself.  
  
I told them exactly what I knew and why and how I knew it. I told them about how I was the first on the scene of the accident, and then the whole downward spiral that A.J. took from there on.  
  
I also told them how Stretcher had found her lying face down in the snow on the street in front of the school, and why he didn't immediately call me about it. I told them about our two weeks in Hawaii and why we had gone.  
  
I gave them the note that I had found in A.J.'s bookbag, and I told them why I took it to Chuckles to check out.  
  
It was a very sordid little tale, to be sure, but we had all of the proof we needed, and even more. After I was done, Stretcher, Law, Chuckles, Jaye, and Flint were called. Snake Eyes and Jinx rounded out the roster of those who were called today.  
  
Each of them told what they knew about the case, and how it fit together.  
  
A.J. stayed home, in order not to stir things up, and Hawk stayed with her at the house. According to Airborne, He's supposed to be called to the stand tomorrow.  
  
As I look down on my daughter sleeping, I realize that she is under tremendous pressure, and I marvel at how she is able to cope with it. She rolls over and the moonlight shines on her face. I draw my breath in awe. She is exquisite.  
  
She reminds me so much of Kit that sometimes I think that she has been reincarnated in our daughter. I see her shiver and I automatically reach for her, stopping just short of touching her and waking her. I understand why she is scared. I am too.  
  
Be brave, my little woman. Things will come out like God wants them to. We'll be all right, and nothing will ever be able to tear us apart again.  
  
I love you. Know that about me, if nothing else. I always will.  
  
It surprises the heck out of me when she sighs in her sleep, "I love you too Daddy." My heart swells with pride and wonder, and a bit of fear.  
  
"Forever, baby girl. Forever." 


	21. the verdict

We won!  
  
I was sitting there, talking with some of the other victims' parents when the news came back that the jury was back with a verdict. We were all really surprised because it hadn't been more than ten minutes since they had gone into deliberations. A.J. figures that it must be a court record for fastest decision. I'm inclined to agree with her.  
  
It was amazing to see how well she was coping with having to face this guy again. I guess that she was unafraid because she knew that there were a lot of people to protect her there.  
  
We were all waiting with baited breath when the verdict was read: guilty of assault, kidnapping and attempted murder in A.J.'s case, and seven other counts of murder in the other cases. The only thing I could do was to hug my daughter- the only survivor, tightly to me. I never want to let her go.  
  
When it came time for sentencing, A.J. had her own ideas- instead of putting him to death, she argued, give him life in prison and remind him everyday why. He should be reminded of all the girls he kidnapped and killed, and forced to remember them. I never saw such a sadistic side to her, but I had to agree. I liked her idea.  
  
So did the rest of the victims' families, and evidently, the judge did too, who imposed a sentence of life in prison without parole. As he handed down the sentence, you could see the tears in his eyes as he thought about the victims.  
  
For minutes afterward, all you could hear was the cheering of the spectators and it became a free for all hug-fest in the courtroom.  
  
Hawk decided to offer to take all of the families out to dinner, so we could get to know a little about each other, even though I know A.J. will probably be the main conversationalist, even when I know that she doesn't want to be. She doesn't like bringing attention to herself after what she's been through. I understand.  
  
She meets with Psyche-Out twice a week, and I made sure that I meet with him at least once a week myself. We're slowly getting back to normal.  
  
I often see flashes of A.J. the way she used to be before this all started, and these days, that is a miracle in itself. I know that she'll never be the same, but, as they say, "Hope springs Eternal."  
  
She is now walking by herself with the benefit of braces, but at least she is mobile by herself. I can't tell her how proud I am whenever I see her. She is such a brave and strong girl, so much like her mother.  
  
She went to a sleepover at a friend's house last weekend, and they got to playing around and dyed their hair. With A.J.'s, they bleached it and then colored it. It's now a dark auburn. What's freaky about that is because that was the color of Kit's hair. Sometimes I think that it's Kit standing there in the kitchen, and then it takes me a moment or two to remember that it's my daughter, not my wife.  
  
I'm planning on going up to Seattle next month, because it will have been ten years since the accident took my wife and son, and left me a single father with a daughter to raise. If she wants to go, she's more than welcome, although I know that she doesn't remember what happened. 


	22. Letter to Kit

Dearest Kit,  
  
It's been ten years since you and E.J. were taken from us. How I wish you could see how we've grown.  
  
I wish you could see our daughter. She's grown into a beautiful young woman, strong enough to weather even the most vicious of firestorms, which she has been involved in lately.  
  
I see more and more of you in her every day. Her demeanor is so like yours, serious, yet playful; she has the same determination that you did.  
  
I found that book that we made for them the other day and I gave it to her. She is so curious, yet she also knows when to ask about something.  
  
She and I went through it and I told her the stories behind the photographs and souvenirs.  
  
I miss you so much. Sometimes I lie there at night, and I swear that I can feel you in the bed next to me, and I even smell some of that scent that you used to wear. And memories come flooding back.  
  
A.J.'s friends dyed her hair during a sleepover last month and now it's the same color as yours. It throws me for a loop sometimes, because I think it's you, and then I remember that its not.  
  
We had but a short time together, yet it was the best five years of my life. You were the one who taught me to live, even though you were the one who didn't know how to yourself.  
  
I remember thinking when we first met that you were shy for some reason, and that it was because someone had hurt you- badly. I didn't realize how badly until you told me, and then told me why.  
  
How any parents could be that cruel to their child, to a being that they created, I'll never know. A.J. is the most important person in my life.  
  
I know that you've been watching over us, and you know what's been going on. Thank you.  
  
Love Always, Edwin 


	23. revelations

We're back from our little trip to Seattle. I took A.J. to the cemetery to let her say the goodbyes that she didn't have a chance to all those years ago.  
  
I found the old photo album that Kit and I had put together before the twins were born. The one we made for them. I gave it to A.J., and we sat there and I explained the stories behind a lot of the photographs and the souvenirs, like the pictures from the time we went water-skiing.  
  
Kit had taken one just after I wiped out. I look like a drowned rat. I didn't think she kept that one, but she did. Now I have to endure the endless torment of A.J. laughing. Oh, well, it's worth it.  
  
A.J. is well on her way to recovering. I know that it took a lot for her to stand there and acknowledge that she would never know her mother or her twin brother. She says that she's glad that she forced herself to do it. Now, she says, she feels a sense of closure, where there wasn't one before.  
  
I know that she feels guilty for surviving that wreck too. She told Psyche-Out that she feels like she's living what they call a "charmed life".  
  
I didn't know what it was that she laid at the foot of the tombstone, but as soon as I realized that it was her journal, I was surprised. She told me that she wanted them to know what she thought about everything; about what had happened after the second wreck nearly claimed her life again.  
  
She sat there and began to ask forgiveness for surviving. I didn't realize until then the depth of the guilt that she carried within her. No wonder she's such an overachiever. She thinks that she has to make up for being one of the only ones to come out of that smashed car alive. Both times.  
  
As she sat there, talking, a shaft of sunlight fell through the trees and limned her in a halo of light. I knew right then and there that it was a sign that her mother and her brother were watching out for her.  
  
A pair of butterflies landed on her, one on each shoulder, and I knew that they were telling her how much she was loved. When they flew over to me, I was shocked to see that they had landed one on each of my shoulders. After they flew away, I had the most amazing feeling of peace, like I knew that my wife and son were in a much happier and better place.  
  
I know that it takes a lot for A.J. to go out of the house, but since we visited the graves, I'd swear that it is easier for her to do now. It's like she knows that she has quite a few guardian angels.  
  
While we were there, I went to the one place that I hadn't been to in over thirty years because it was so painful- my mother's final resting place. She passed away from Cancer when I was only about five years old. I still remember her, though. Faintly, but I do remember.  
  
I sat and talked to her for a while, and I introduced A.J. to her. I told her how much she would have loved Kit, E.J., and A.J., and I told her how much I missed her and told her about everything that I could think of.  
  
I suddenly knew how much she loved me, and I told her that I finally realized it.  
  
I miss you, Mom. 


	24. up to my old tricks again

To Do List:  
  
Make sure plans are in place to get Dad off of the base. Bake the cake Wrap that package Get with Bree and Stretcher about the party Make sure Dad has no idea that I am the one behind it.  
  
Dad's birthday is next Wednesday, so we're planning a surprise party for him. (Insert evil grin here.)  
  
I talked with Uncle Clay yesterday and he told me that he had Chuckles get a false mission started that will get Dad off of the base.  
  
Roadblock told me that even though he usually does this, he wants me to make the cake. Although he says, he will do the icing if I would let him. Better him than Shipwreck or one of the others.  
  
I got him a ceramic panther, lounging on a tree branch. I saw it and I knew that I had to get it for him. It's just like his personality. Bree had seen it at the same time, and she thought the same thing. I know what she got him, but I will not say what she got him.  
  
I also got one of the few pictures of him and Mom together, and I had it blown up and made into a painting. It's hidden in Hawk's office, and the only one who knows what it is is Flint. He was there when I picked it up.  
  
I know that Dad isn't much on surprises, but I know that he'll love this one.  
  
May 4th- the party begins. I'm so looking forward to doing this. 


	25. now what's going on?

I know she's up to something, but I don't know yet what it is. I can't put my finger on what it is that tells me this, but I know she's up to something.  
  
Every time she and Bree pass each other, it's almost like a private gigglefest. When asked, they just said that it was 'an inside joke- we wouldn't understand'.  
  
I get this strange feeling that something is going on, like I'm the only one who isn't in on the joke.  
  
Hawk is sending me on a mission – by myself. No backup or anything. That's what is really strange. What really caps it off is that the identity of the guy I'm supposed to rescue- it's Chuckles.  
  
It's only supposed to take a couple of days, but we know how things like this go. Something always comes up.  
  
I love my daughter, but there are just some things she does that get on my nerves. I know that she won't do anything to intentionally hurt someone, but she sure comes close some days.  
  
I'm not looking forward to next week. I don't relish the prospect of growing older. My birthday is coming up on the fourth, and I think the recent happenings have something to do with it.  
  
Oh, well, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm not going to let the stress get to me. That's what they want. I'm not going to play their game.  
  
A.J. is doing a lot better these days. She's back to her spunky little self, and her schoolwork is back to where it's supposed to be.  
  
She's gotten to where she is giving Airtight a run for his money as a practical joker. That's okay. As long as she lets me know what she's doing, I'm okay with it. As long as I'm not the target.  
  
Oh, well. I'm going to have to move my butt if I'm going to be able to do this mission. A.J. is supposed to be staying with one of her friends. 


	26. the party

I knew that she was up to something. I just didn't realize that the whole base was in on it with her, up to and including Hawk and Chuckles.  
  
It was very much a surprise when I walked into my office at the infirmary, and lo and behold, there was a party going on. How was I supposed to know that they were planning a birthday party?  
  
They're good; I'll give them that. They even managed to get my Dad over here without me finding out about it.  
  
I never would have pegged A.J. to be the driving force behind it. It seems that she's gotten pretty good at looking sweet and innocent, especially when she's up to mischief.  
  
I stare at her across the room, laughing with Kenny, Edward, Bill and Dashiell at a joke one of them told, and I see for the first time a woman grown, and no longer my little girl.  
  
She has so many of her mother's mannerisms, and though she looks at peace with herself, I know that there's inner turmoil going on.  
  
I'm not going to let it get to me today; I'm just going to do what they want me to do. I'm just going to take it easy and relax for a little.  
  
I catch A.J. looking at me from across the room, and I smile. She is most definitely my pride and joy.  
  
I watch as she goes to the door to help someone with something. I remind myself to get her about putting all those candles there. Not. 


	27. School's out for Summer

I'm so happy. I can't believe that she's a sophomore now.  
  
A.J.'s grades are high enough that she doesn't have to take her finals in any of her classes. Which means that she is out of school for the summer already. She went ahead and made the notes that she would have needed for studying. She said that even though she didn't need them, some of the other students might.

The softball team named her as their MVP for the year, along with the rest of the girls that were in that accident.  
  
She told me that if we wanted her to, she would work here in the infirmary at the desk for us. Tommy, Kenny and Bree already said go for it. They say that she's the best secretary that they've ever had here.  
  
I'm inclined to agree. She is so organized that it's sometimes scary. She's also a neat freak (At times).  
  
When she goes back to school, she'll be a sophomore. Where did all the time go? Jeez, she took drivers' ed this year, so on her birthday, she can get her license. What scares me most about that is who's been working with her on her driving. Clutch and Steeler.  
  
Dad called and we are all supposed to be getting together and going to Disneyland in Florida in a couple of weeks. I can't wait to see A.J. enjoying herself. She deserves it.  
  
I love my baby girl. All five foot and eight inches of muscle of her and every raven hair on her head. Her eyes have the same way of turning to silver violet when she's angry, just the same way Kit's did. When she's happy or content, they're a silver/sea green color.  
  
Courtney has asked her to and she's been invited to compete in the Miss Teen Pennsylvania pageant. She said that she'll think about it, and I've encouraged her to do it. She's pretty enough and smart enough to win.  
  
What will really be funny is if she wins, she'll be competing in the Miss Teen USA pageant. The guys are actually taking bets already. I've put in my bet of twenty bucks on her winning. Only one person has so far bet against her, and for the life of me, I can't see why. His only reasoning is that she's been living a charmed life, and it has to give out sometime.  
  
I've got to go since I have PT scheduled for this morning. Nothing stops Beach Head from running us into the ground.


	28. Newbie

Things are about to get pretty interesting around here. A.J. brought our new medic by yesterday morning, to introduce her around here while she was showing her around the base.  
  
Her name is Dominique Somersby, and she is a prodigy. She's only twenty-three, but she's a full-fledged medic, and has already graduated from medic school. She's five foot eleven, and (don't tell A.J. that I think like this) she has one great figure. Definitely an hourglass. Dark brown hair, light green eyes, and a smile to die for.  
  
I sense a dark side to her, though. I don't think that such determination and drive is normal. She's had some pain in the past to deal with, and I think that she's still suffering somewhat.  
  
Later on, when she first came on duty that afternoon, I saw another side of her. She moved with such gracefulness that I think we all caught ourselves watching her. There is an inherent efficiency of movement that she has. I don't know what to call it.  
  
I noticed some blood on the back of her shoulder and I thought that it was probably from one of her patients, but later on, I was walking past the lounge and I happened to look in, and I saw her sitting there by herself, bandaging a stab wound. She looked up as I walked by and told me that it was no more than a flesh wound. I knew better, and I told her so.  
  
I took the washcloth that she was using, and I washed off her shoulder and dabbed some antiseptic on it and helped her finish bandaging it. I couldn't help but notice that there was a multitude of scars on her back and chest.  
  
I know now why she has that determination and drive, and why she has that dark side. The scars tell the story. She was abused as a child.  
  
Dominique and A.J. have become fast friends and I find that they're both so much alike that it's not even funny.  
  
I have some paperwork that is due in pretty soon, so I need to go work on that. I'll write some later. 


	29. Dominique's diary

Dear Diary,  
  
I know that most people think I'm crazy for still writing a diary as old as I am, but right now, I don't really care.  
  
I met the most amazing person today. One of the girls, A.J., who worked at the infirmary, took me on a tour of the base to show me around and introduce me to some of the people I would be working with.  
  
Her dad, senior med Lifeline, was the first person she introduced me to. After we left, we got to talking, and she told me a few things about what not to say or do if I could help it, depending on the subject.  
  
He's quite good looking and really very sweet. I don't understand why he's still single, or not involved with anyone.  
  
There was an accident just after I came on duty for the first time and I was doing some stitching when I got cut on my shoulder. I'm still not sure how that happened.  
  
I was sitting in the lounge later, taking care of my shoulder when he came in. I never said anything about where they came from, but I knew that he saw my scars and I think that he knows. I swear that I never said anything about it. I try not to even think about it.  
  
He helped me wash and bandage the cut, and I realized that it was his shy, soft-spoken personality that kept him from initiating a relationship. I believe that he could possibly be a good friend if I would let him.  
  
I won't let on to him how scared I am of people. I try to project the illusion that nothing bothers me, but somehow, I think he saw through it earlier.  
  
Mother, you did a real number on me by hurting me the way you did. But, you know what? I don't care about that anymore. I still don't like you, and can barely tolerate talking to you.  
  
I'm in a place now and on a team where I'm accepted for who I am and what I can do.  
  
There's nothing you can do about it. 


	30. a different MOS

I know I'm seriously in trouble now. Although, how I'm going to get out of it is a whole other critter.  
  
A.J. has decided to play matchmaker between the new girl and I. She says that I've been alone for too long and that I need a new woman to spice up my life. As A.J. would have said, As if!  
  
I heard her tell Domino about what happened all those months ago and what has happened in the last year or so. Stuff she wouldn't even tell me.  
  
I'm glad that she's made some new friends, although I still long for the days when she was my shy little girl.  
  
Domino has managed to prove her worth many times over in the few weeks that she's been here. I admit, I do watch her, but it's strictly from a supervising position.  
  
Okay, okay. I watch her. I think she's gorgeous, and so sweet. She reminds me of Kit in a lot of ways.  
  
Kit told me when we first got married that if anything happened to her, that she did want me to get remarried. I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship, and I'm not sure she is either.  
  
She tends to be very alert and on her guard when it comes to men. She's very afraid of us for some reason. I recall from her file that someone her mother was seeing attacked her and then, as a teenager, she was stalked by a sheriff's son.  
  
I don't blame her for the way she is now. I told her the other day that if she needed to talk to somebody, she could come talk to me. I've noticed that she has a tendency to internalize her feelings. That is definitely not good for her.  
  
She is rapidly approaching her stress limit, and we can all see that she's headed for burnout. I'm going to talk to Hawk about shipping her on a vacation. She needs it badly. I also noted from her file that she had never taken a day of leave for any reason. Tommy, Bree and Kenny all agree with me.  
  
I agree with what Hawk did the other day. Find the two most docile people on the base and send them undercover to prevent a jailbreak. Unfortunately, that turned out to be Domino and me.  
  
I have to say, though, it was pretty fun. We amused ourselves by playing word games.  
  
I thought that, since none of us had explained to her what we were going to do, that she was going to have a nervous breakdown. I figured that she was going to be so scared. She surprised me once again. She wasn't at all bothered, or so it seemed.  
  
The two cops that had arrested us and were transporting us to the jail had a bet going on how long it would take her to break. Both of them lost.  
  
When we got there and were processed in, we got together with Chuckles and huddled into a plan. They were going to be a couple of fake cops bringing in a couple of assassins, who were supposed to attack the other cops in the building and free their friends.  
  
The only reason that they needed the two most docile people on the base was to make sure that the cops on duty were not suspicious.  
  
I have to say that I did enjoy working with her, even if she's still a bit miffed at us. She avoids us as if she's unsure about how we perceive her. I think she's afraid that we're disappointed in her. We're not. It was all a ruse to get us undercover.  
  
I'm going to finish this and that report that I was working on earlier, and then I'm going to go talk to her. Maybe I can help clear up some problems before they start. 


End file.
